Some Well-Intentioned Advice

Two guys with a newborn -- without a mom in sight -- definitely attracts notice, even in a city like New York, and particularly from women.  I don't think it's because we're gay, but because it is so culturally engrained that men are incompetent boobs when it comes to babies, and need a mom to swoop in and save the day.   That means we get a lot of unsolicited advice from woman about what we're supposedly doing wrong in caring for Max.  It is almost always well-intentioned -- and sometimes even right -- but it can still be annoying sometimes since we like to think we are getting down this baby-raising thing just fine! 

One example is Eli, who helps keep our apartment clean and organized every few weeks.  She is very well-meaning towards Max; for example, as a baby gift she very sweetly gave us a bottle-cleaning kit, and boy has that been put to good use! But sometimes she can be a little too well-meaning.

When she arrived at the apartment for the first time since Max was born, she found Stewart and me on the couch with Max sleeping on my chest in his diaper. Before saying even “hi” or “congratulations,” Eli hurried over to us saying “Oh no, Oh no! He needs to have clothes on!” Stewart started to put Max back into his pajamas, as we were about to anyway, but apparently he wasn’t doing it quickly enough for Eli’s liking. She said, “Here, let me do it” and started grabbing after Max. Stewart confidently said to her “I got it” and finished dressing him.

That was the first of Eli’s rather forthright opinions on how we should care for Max – but, needless to say, it was not the last. The next time Eli came over she told me that her sister-in-law, Clara, the woman who helps clean Stewart’s brother’s apartment, told her that our sister-in-law, who had a baby eight months before us, has “much much milk stored up” in her and that therefore instead of feeding Max formula I should start getting milk from our sister-in-law to feed him! I’m sure Stewart’s sister-in-law would be just thrilled to know that Clara is offering up her breast-milk for any takers! Then again . . . probably not.